“You’re too soft”

Let me start out by saying what’s on your newsfeed isn’t actually someone’s reality. It’s the highlight reel.

These past couple months I’ve been fighting a darkness, something that effected what I  thought were the strongest parts of me. Would I take it back? No, because it’s made me more patient, more honest, and have the desire to be kinder since I’ve been on the other end of the spectrum now.

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Don’t get me wrong some really great milestones have happened the past couple months. From graduating with my associates degree to turning the big 21 (check out #sobersammy21 for the best of the best photos). It can be exhausting flipping the happy and sad switch off and on so much. But that’s when something magical happens, growth.

My heart is so full of appreciation and amazement by the love received from family and friends. Which gives me more motivation to keep improving my whole being every day. I can finally say that I’m starting to feel joy and happiness in the deepest parts of my heart and soul again. This happiness has never felt so pure. Looking around there is so much to be thankful for, even in the middle of a storm.

Missing: Eric and Annie

“You’re too fucking soft Sam.”I could hear the coldness in his voice as those words came out.  It got me thinking. Many of us harden ourselves due to past experiences and how cruel the world can be at times.

My response: “How do you expect me to be?” I’ll keep my softness, thanks.

Let your past make you better, not bitter.

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I’ve realized that when you open yourself up to people yes it makes you vulnerable, but it’s worth it. Some may see having a big heart as a negative quality, because it can be scary and at times hurtful. However, I would rather have a big heart than feel numb towards people or experiences. It reminds us that we are human, to care so much about someone or something, what an incredible reminder to have. You have to find the strength to not do harm upon others, just because you had it done to you. Take a trip back to kindergarten when your teacher told you “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

I find it sad that some people go through the motions of staying closed off. Letting the darkness in the world absorb them and let good opportunities pass them by. I’m not saying put yourself out there on a silver platter, but be selective. The world will always have bad people, but it will also always have good people, too.

The past several months I’ve learned a lot about people and the importance of healthy relationships. It’s about growing your garden. If you neglect to water your garden eventually it will die, duh. Life has a tendency of getting in the way. Even though it’s all very simple, it comes down to making an effort. In life people are so afraid to count on others, because it shows vulnerability. Although life is a personal journey, happiness is only real when shared. Growing into the best version of yourself is the journey and the people who you surround yourself with will be part of the destination. I talked with my best friend the other day and she reminded me that some people don’t want to accept your happiness and you can’t do anything to change that. Life is too short to spend time worrying about things that are out of your control.

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It’s all been a great learning experience. A life lesson that was necessary in this journey. I have learned to have faith in the process.  The process allows the right people to stay in our lives while the others quickly fade out.  

You have to be confident enough with what you bring to the table to eat alone, if necessary.  To demand nothing less than what you deserve.

It’s all part of the journey friends, the good and the bad. Nonetheless, it’s better to die with memories rather than dreams.

 


What was the kindest gesture you did today? What makes you feel the happiest about yourself and about life? 

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One comment

  1. smokebuccaneer · September 25

    Touching!

    Liked by 1 person

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